The Door

When at the cabin I stepped outside to enjoy the weather and take a little mental break and rested against the door.

The Andersson Cabin

It was quite an emotional experience to revisit the Peace Love and Coffee tour blog.  I also found notes from 3 years ago when I first began to consider the idea of breaking loose from "the system" of our culture into what I considered "freedom".  Reading the blog about the year directly leading up to our departure was full of peaks and valleys ... the events, the people, the twists and turns .... I'm surprised that we even left!


Sometimes a dream takes on a life of its own.  The forces that moved through us during those tough times took control. We surrendered.  And it was beautifully orchestrated of its own will. 


Like me leaning against the door the other evening.  I leaned lightly against it, a bit scared as I waited for the latch to release and for it to fall open.  It remained strong.  I recognized this fear and decided to challenge myself, so rested into it as if it were a solid wall.  I was still scared of falling down.  I even had visions of how I would fall, if it would hurt, and if I could succeed in falling eloquently to the ground without harm.


Then I let go of the negative chatter.  I leaned against that wall for 20 minutes or so lost in meditative thought.  It remained strong and solid.  I trusted it's strength and all was good.  Just like our dream of the road trip.  Even though at times we felt like we were leaning against that door, unsure if we would be allowed to fall to the ground.

We trusted.  And we succeeded.

Struggles ... is this right?

I have paralyzed myself. I am questioning this roadtrip; the journey of love, life, coffee and pure adventure. I am feeling the pressures of society. The box feels tight and uncomfortable, yet my acceptance of it is real.

What is happening? Why is this happening?

Go away, insecurity and fear! Ick! My thoughts are jumping in and out of realizing this dream, but my heart is fully in.

I pulled one card from a deck of "vision cards" after much meditation and expressing my fears out loud. I cleared the deck, then shuffled it in a precise manner ... thinking very logically about mixing up the cards thouroghly. During my last attempt at shuffling a large clump of cards didn't separate ... hmmm. Is that a sign to stop, I thought. So I did. Then instantly pulled the top card. It read "Yes". In the middle is a picture of Ganesh, the hindu god and remover of obstacles. WOW! The lesson ... I need to clear the path of clutter, dibris and chaos.

Do you have any insight for me? I am one of those people that like to hear works of affirmation from those around me; even if I have to ask for it, I guess :) So ... bring it on. I would love to recieve showers of positive thoughts from you :)

Love, me